Job. Marathon. Young life. Student loans. Snow. Lunch dates.
These are the things that consume my thoughts/ time.
So I applied to Apple, the manager was the one who emailed me saying I should apply. When I went in the following monday to check on my application he cavalierly commented that he receives “a hundred applications a week” and hasn’t gotten around to looking at mine, also, they just did a round of hiring last month and aren’t planning on hiring again until the new year. I wouldn’t have been so disappointed except that I hadn’t even thought of applying to Apple until the hiring manager himself said that I should: strange strange very strange.
I had an interview this week for a “real” job. At a consulting web “business intelligence” firm. Where they use words like “skilled in oracle” on their resumes (and they don’t mean the kind of oracle I studied as a Religious Studies major). Luckily I am would be working at the firm for a people-job (not an algorithm-writing-job), the kind that meets and sizes up and organizes and plans people, so that is within my skill set, I don’t need to know any tech-y rhetoric. Alas, this company as well is not hiring until the new year.
There is a verse that says: all things God works together with those who love him to bring about what is good –> sometimes I think Christians twist this into sayings like “everything happens for a reason” and it’s all destined or something. I don’t think everything happens for a reason. How could you possibly account for leukemia and train wrecks and tsunamis with this kind of logic? Instead I think we have free will. We make choices and a lot of the time they are not life giving choices, YET I think that when people say they believe in God, a God who is good, then perhaps that God would have the capacity to take any such free-will-chosen-and-often-broken situation and if it is surrendered to Will, redeem it. I don’t always think there is a right or wrong choice, but after each choice or event takes place, I think that anything, anything anything, CAN be worked towards the good.
We choose things. And try to let them be worked for the good. If I choose a “real” job, what happens to potentially interning for Young Life this summer at a camp? Or begin able to pick up my high school girls after school and take them to Starbucks? But if I don’t, how do I start to pay the Student Loan checks that need to be sent starting this month? I want to be a steward of my education, finances, and adult-dom. I also want to give myself fully to the ministry I believe has been set before me for a reason. Maybe it means shifting my focus and trying to get a job at a nearby restaurant for the time being, for the spring until summertime. Or, the deepest truest scariest potentially most good-lifegiving-”meant to be”-thing I will tell you about slowly. It’s creeping and whispering and promising with surrender and inshallah. It’s name is (inshallah) “Blue House Community Inc”; we’ll talk more about this soon. But just keep your ears/eyes open for divine inspiration about this one.
In one of my (unashamedly) favorite movies “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” the male lead, trying to court and keep a woman for 10 days (to win a bet) rather than his usual impress-and-bail-in-two-or-so-days says to his friend: “no man, I can’t pull that trick out yet, remember this is a marathon, not a sprint” — to which the friend sarcastically critiques: “10 days is a marathon?” … Well. That’s the cliche: “everything is relative”. 4 minutes is a short short impossibly small amount of time to say goodbye to the love of your life, but it’s long long too much time enough to kill your braincells if you are holding your breath under water. Maybe not everything is relative, but most things seem to be. I am going two places with this. The first: a marathon is really freaking long. I ran 5 miles on Saturday for my “long run”, 5 miles is the amount that I used to do a few times a week in Santa Barbara, BACK WHEN I WAS IN SHAPE, now it about kills me. There are still 21 weeks till THE DAY of 26.2, but it is a struggle. This is a real marathon. And I am learning about mental walls and bodies capacity and how cold it is outside and self discipline and achieving goals. And it’s still months away. SECOND THING: it was Thanksgiving last week, and we have to take our thanksgivings as one of those “it’s relative” things. No, we can’t put our pain and problems on scales, especially with our friends because it would make confiding and trusting and taking seriously impossible and painful. But when we think about being thankful, we should remember the 4 min saying goodbye vs 4 min underwater thing. Taking our pain and problems seriously, but also back back backing up widening perspective remembering not simply “the children starving in Africa” (although these realities are true and we have to ask ourselves how to be stewards of those truths), but the thing is: we have so so much to dwell in thankfulness. To soak float swim splash around in thankfulness. We are fighting battles that are ultimately already won. We are suffering pain that is ultimately already healed. We are worrying situations that are ultimately already concluded, and peaceful. We must know this.
So it’s hole-in-the-wall Ethiopian food with an old and loved friend late on sunday nights, coffee dates and breakfast pancakes and “come to my study and write your paper” as we share in life, in story, in struggle. Is there a job where we can share stories and seek truth and make money to pay all the pesky bills meanwhile?
I am going to Seattle tomorrow. One of my best friends as a Christmas present helped me figure out a plane ticket so I will go to be with her for about a week. I have never spent real time in that pretty city– so I am very excited.
Happy happy holidays. May they be filled with warm red cups of sweetness & songs sang by fireplace & the joy of giving & people who make you want to turn your cell phone off. All of my love,
G Em I lean not on my own understanding, C G My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven(Repeat) Verse 2: G I Give it all to you God, Em C G Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me(Repeat) Verse 3: G I will climb this mountain Em With my hands wide open C I will climb this mountain G With my hands wide open (Repeat) Verse 4: G There is nothing I hold on to Em There is nothing I hold on to C There is nothing I hold on to G There is nothing I hold on to